An essay at this level is marked by one or more of the following:
• addresses the topic and task using somewhat developed explanations, exemplifications, and/or details
• displays unity, progression, and coherence, though connection of ideas may be occasionally obscured
• may demonstrate inconsistent facility in sentence formation and word choice that may result in lack of clarity and occasionally obscure meaning
• may display accurate but limited range of syntactic structures and vocabulary
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You have tried to make an elaborate response to the topic.
You have developed a good introduction and with it a good thesis statement. However, you ought to make the thesis statement more advanced than this to suit the caliber of the topic.
In the main body, you have presented good and relevant views. The topic sentences have been well developed, explained and supported with ample examples. This is the standard way of presenting main body paragraphs of this kind of topic.
Your conclusion has been well founded.
Try to rectify the grammar mistakes in your essay. Here are some tips you may find useful:
- Avoid formation errors like "comparing transportation in the past, which is developed a lot today" because they make the understanding of ideas difficult.
- Never start a sentence with "and" in a formal essay.
- Avoid unnecessary words because they make the essay verbose.
- Review the use of prepositions and mind the diction too.
- Be mindful of the use of articles. To write a better essay, you need to first rectify the grammar errors therein.
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