1IROAccording to the statement, a computerized system that will be installed in 2ARTthe commercial airlines will virtually solve the problem of midair plane collisions. The system can receive signals from another transponder to determine the likelihood of a collision and recommend evasive action. But 3POWthe argument is not convincing to me in many aspects.

4EXCFirst, the author assumed that5MIS no warning system results in 6ARTthe collisions, but there is7EXC no valid evidence that shows that the cause of a collision is no system to warn 8PREthe danger. Perhaps the pilot isn’t able to operate 9POWthe emergency because of 10ARTthe fear, or the plane is not advanced enough to avoid another very close plane11LOG, so even 12POWthough the system is installed, there still will be many collisions. 13TRAIn addition, 14POWalthough lacking a system is the only cause of 15ARTthe 16PLUcollision, 17ARTthe 18POWinstallment will still not reduce the number of the 19PLUcollision. If the system is 20POWsensible to some other signals, the system will report the likelihood21POW in error and will even add some extra collision22LOG. 23EXCSo adequate evidence to prove that the system 24SPLdose reduce the number 25PREthe collisions is needed.

26EXCSecond, even though 27ARTthe 28POWinstallment 29POWdoes bring an ideal 30CUTsituation, there may be some other ways to reduce 31ARTthe 32PLUcollision. 33EXCFor example, 34ARTthe 35SPLair plane company can employ pilots with high skills or add some training 36PREto 37ARTthe pilots. Because the cost of the system may be much higher than the training cost, not installing the system is more advisable. 38TRAMoreover, to maintain a computerized system, some workers are needed, so the demand for 39ARTthe resources is high, and a small company may not40MIS afford the system. As a consequence, 41ARTthe manager should take these important factors into consideration42LOG.

43EXCThird, if the system is only installed on commercial planes, the problem 44PREabout the non-commercial air plane collisions can’t be solved.45TRA In other words, 46ARTthe collisions among commercial planes will be avoided but the number of those among non-commercial planes will not be changed47MIS or even increase48LOG. So the problem will be completely solved on if the system is installed 49SPLon all planes.

50CNCIn summary, the argument is flawed in many points, so some extra analysis should be considered. If there is more evidence to prove 51ARTthe strong relationship between52MIS the system and 53ARTthe decrease in collisions, the statement will be more persuasive.


James James




A 3 paper demonstrates some competence in its analysis of the argument and in its control of the elements of writing but is plainly flawed. A typical paper in this category exhibits one or more of the following characteristics:
• does not identify or analyze most of the important features of the argument, although some analysis of the argument is present
• mainly analyzes tangential or irrelevant matters, or reasons poorly
• is limited in the logical development and organization of ideas
• offers support of little relevance and value for points of the critique
• does not convey meaning clearly
• contains occasional major errors or frequent minor errors in grammar, usage, or mechanics


Hello! Welcome to SmartPigai!

The main area for improvement in this essay is in your logic. The GMAT requires quite sophisticated argumentation skills and you cannot afford to have your logic be unclear.

In terms of grammar, you make a lot of mistakes in articles. Generally, this type of mistake does not interfere with understanding but in this case so many mistakes are distracting for the reader.

You can use this simple flow chart to decide which article to use:
Step 1 - is this a proper noun? - If yes, there is no article.
Step 2 - if no, is it a specific noun? - If yes, use "the"
Step 3 - If no, is it an uncountable noun? - If yes, no article.
Step 4 - If no, is it a plural noun? - If yes, no article.
Step 5 - If no, does it begin with a vowel (a,e,i,o,u) - If yes, use "an" If no, use "a"

Here is a resource to review prepositions: http://www.englishclub.com/grammar/prepositions.html

Hope to see you again at SmartPigai!





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